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Month: February 2017

Being the Queen of our hearts!

Being the Queen of our hearts!

“She is the kind of queen that knows her crown isn’t on her head but in her soul.” ~Adrian Michael

Last week, I had been contemplating on a few subjects for my next blogspot (this one). I started working on something but then simply couldn’t take my mind off the recent episode of ‘Koffee with Karan’ on television. Not that I’m a big fan of Karan Johar or his show nor am I crazy about Bollywood. But his last episode featured actor Kangana Ranaut, who made a strong mark with her spunky, fiery attitude. The ‘Queen’ of Bollywood impressed with her no qualms boldness in what she had to say and the forthright manner in which she said it all. Now Kangana may have an unconventional demeanor and is perhaps not everyone’s favourite. But on this show, she was so brutally honest and opinionated, the other guest Saif Ali Khan was literally on the edge of his seat.

I felt there were subtle messages in there (seems like a penchant for me these days) beneath her classy overtones and couldn’t resist writing this post. Here is what got me pondering, with the questions I posed to myself as also to you-

Our drive – Kangana reminds Karan that he had ridiculed her English and her accent on the same show few years ago. But those comments became a drive for her, pushing her ahead.

We can use criticism, mocking and rejection thrown at us as a driving force towards success – to unleash our mettle, though not necessarily to prove a point to others.

Poser: What or who is the driving force in our life?

The value of our values – Kangana refuses to endorse fairness creams. She has never cheated on her partner. She does not do shows simply for the lure of money. Her values bear far more significance than doing something that doesn’t feel right.

We all need to set our moral boundaries at every stage in life. More importantly, stick to them and beat any sort of peer pressure. 

Poser: How much do we value our value system?

Gender equality When asked which of the Khans would she like to work with, she bluntly replied none. She wouldn’t’ be seen as an equal. This, when most of the Bollywood actresses today would do anything to bag a role opposite any of the Khan trio. Her exuding sophistication outshone even the suave Nawab on the same couch. She rightly pointed out that men think women have low IQ.

Why do we women have to share the limelight with men when we can be the limelight! We don’t need to shortchange ourselves, do we?

Poser: Are we living in someone else’s shadow?

True wealth – When asked whether she would rather be rich without love or poor but in love…she retorted saying her idea of poverty could be very different from his. Rightly said for his movies are always a superlative statement of luxury and brands. She added, artists have always chosen truth, beauty or values over money. If you have true love, you will have a rich life. Wow!

The concept of real wealth differs from people to people. What are we really here to gain? Fame? Success? Billions?

Poser: What are you seeking that would make you truly rich?

Honesty over diplomacy – Kangana admitted being jealous of others’ success. She was honest about not having friends in the industry. Her brazen opinions about Karan came forth uninhibited (‘flag-bearer of nepotism’ and ‘the snooty movie mafia’ being the highlights). She was candid about disliking certain habits of her co-stars and directors.

It is easy to indulge in backstabbing. But it requires conviction to blatantly speak the truth. And it takes courage to be unabashed on a global platform.

Poser: Are we righteous enough to say it like it is on the face?

Being genuine – Kangana said she didn’t want to fit in and tried to be as normal as she could in this superficial industry. And look how she stole the show with her candour, just by being herself.

Don’t we all want to lead a life that needs no mask or explanation, a life that resonates with our genuine core? Learning to build our own strong beliefs rather than conforming to those of others? Simply discovering who we are and be our authentic selves? What a sense of accomplishment and fulfilment that would bring!

Poser: Is our outer world in alignment with our inner world?

 

She came, she conquered and she won hearts like a true ‘Queen’!

Poser: Will others be able to say this for us?

Watch this royally candid episode right here:

http://www.hotstar.com/tv/koffee-with-karan/1525/saif-kangana-let-it-all-out/1000167379

Feature image courtesy: Pexels

Kangana Ranaut image courtesy: Star World

True love begins by loving ourselves first

True love begins by loving ourselves first

“Don’t forget to fall in love with yourself first.” ~Carrie Bradshaw 

It’s Valentines Day tomorrow – love is in the air! Candlelight dinners are being booked. Valentine cards with pop-up hearts are selling across gift shops. Heart-shaped red balloons have been visible on street signals past few days. Couples of all ages right from teenyboppers to the newly marrieds to the been-married-for-decades look forward to this day in their own ways. The thought of spending precious time with your loved one and receiving lovely goodies makes it a day to cherish.

Thinking of it all makes me wonder what does Valentine’s Day hold for singles like me that do not have a doting partner. It’s a day meant for love, but does it have to be celebrated only by couples? Nah, it’s a day to celebrate love and love does not necessarily mean your special someone or spouse. There are so may people in our lives on whom we can shower our love. How do we make it special for them and for us? What does love really mean anyways?

With time and wisdom gained from life’s experiences, I have learned to believe that love truly begins by loving ourselves first. If we are unable to love ourselves, we cannot sincerely love others. When our self-love grows, we become happier and confident and thereby radiate more love. No matter how many relationships we have and whatever their quality maybe, it is essential to keep coming back to the one relationship that counts – with our self!

Here’s looking at a few ways to love ourselves more than we do:

  • Self-acceptance –We are all born as unique individuals. Beautiful, quirky, imperfect, flawed, talented – we are who we are with all our positive assets as well as our shortcomings. Rather than wishing that we were made differently or comparing ourselves with others, it is good to acknowledge everything about us. Self-love begins with accepting ourselves as we are.
  • Self-esteem – No matter what choices we make in life, be focused on who you are and not how others see you. Do not get defined by others’ opinion or judgment about you. Work on maintaining a healthy self-esteem and self-worth. What you think of yourself is much more important than what people think of you.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. –Eleanor Roosevelt

  • Self-appreciation – How wonderful it feels to be appreciated by people. To be applauded for your accomplishments, for how you made a difference to others and for the value you add in everyone’s lives. And when you feel less appreciated than what you deserve, or crave for, then give yourself a pat on your back every once in a while. Its good to remind ourselves of where we were and how far we have come crossing several life hurdles!
  • Self-care- Love means being kind, encouraging and caring. Self-love is to be that and direct all those energies towards us. We don’t necessarily need anyone else to care for us, we are capable of pampering ourselves in more than one ways. Look out for yourself. Take time to indulge in what makes your soul happy. A little celebratory pastry once in a while will not hurt your body.

  • Self-respect- Self-respect is a virtue no one can take away from us. Do not lose your dignity by demeaning or short-changing yourself. The way we treat ourselves is in a way an invitation for others to treat us. It’s important to stay away from people and situations that pull us down. Maintaining our self-respect is key to self-love, we must preserve it at all cost.

You have to love yourself because no amount of love from others is sufficient to fill the yearning that your soul requires from you ~Dodinsky

Loving ourselves does not mean we are selfish or self-indulgent. It means nurturing ourselves and replenishing our spirits so that we can give from a place of fulfilment. It is a cornerstone for healthy love and healthy relationships!

Related links:

http://happyfoodhealthylife.com/50-ways-to-love-pamper-yourself-on-valentines-day-every-day/

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/increase-self-love-ways-good-to-yourself/

 

Image courtesy: Pexels

Comic strip courtesy: mimiandeunice.com

Teenagers require space to grow into healthy adults

Teenagers require space to grow into healthy adults

“The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them.”
~Frank A. Clark

Recently, my teenage daughter went on a study trip from school with a huge bunch of students and a few accompanying teachers. The excitement of spending four days and nights with their best buddies was pulsating from the minute they all had gathered at the airport. It was gratifying to see their delight as I bid her goodbye, albeit with a sigh of sadness that she is not going to be home for the next few days.

Amongst the rules of this trip was one where no cell phones were allowed. Such a relief it was to know that they will be able to focus completely on their studies, serving the real purpose of the tour.It would be assuring for parents as kids will have no screen distractions and not be bothered by innumerable calls and messages. Well, that’s what I thought. But what ensued instead was an incessant flow of queries and comments on our messaging group. Messages that reflected a constant sense of worry and anxiety about their girls… ‘Flight delayed, poor kids will be uncomfortable; have they eaten anything; they will miss out on sight-seeing; is it too cold;hotel lines are forever busy; cell phones should have been allowed; they are eating dinner so late; they have to wake up so early…’

Now I am not being critical or judgemental here – after all, we are together on this journey of motherhood.

But I wondered…I’m not so worried, does it make me a carefree mom? I’m not even guilty of the space she and me both will enjoy from each other. Does that make me a heartless mom? Does parenting mean attachment? Does maternal love entails being possessive about the children? Do we always need to be in control of our kids? I have two teenagers whom I have practically raised on my own and surely learnt many lessons along the way. Pertaining to this context, here are a few points I feel compelled to highlight from my own experience:

  1. We need to keep our cool– Teenage is a tough period to tread through for mothers as well as for children. It’s that phase of high surge in hormones in their bodies and changes in their brains. There are bound to be outbursts of uncontrollable feelings as they learn to cope with all the changes in their lives. It becomes imperative for mothers to keep their cool especially during stormy moments. We have to remind ourselves that we are the parent and it is crucial to display that maturity. Being calm and controlled, and not reactive, is the key.
  1. Teenagers require their own space– It is hard for us moms to stay away from our children completely. Especially being a single mom, it is very hard for me to keep a distance or stay disconnected. We want to be around and do everything to raise them well. But it is essential for us to recognise that teenagers do require their own space – physical, emotional and mental, to become self-directed adults. They need their space to exercise their choices. They need the space to make their own decisions and face the subsequent consequences. They require the distance from us to grow. That is how they will learn to survive and thrive. We owe them that space and respect it too.
  1. Balance between monitoring & privacy – Teenagers are discovering themselves and constantly learning to deal with the adult world. Their brains are still growing, surely we ought to guide them as they learn to sail through life. On the other side, they are also growing to be adults who need their privacy. It is crucial to define the boundaries on secrecy based on mutual trust and respect. They need us to trust them and respect them for who they are. Maintain a balance between when we need to supervise and when to let them be.
  1. Our anxiety rubs on to them- It is natural for moms to be concerned and worried about everything related to our children. They will always be a part of us outside of our bodies. However, the key to healthy parenting is to keep our anxieties at bay as it rubs on to our kids. The way we react to situations and to our kids sets a conditioning pattern in their minds. They begin to operate at the same level of anxiety as we model for them. Instead, let us display coping mechanisms to deal with our anxieties and together learn ways to manage stress.
  1. We need nurturing too- It is commonly said that we moms need to put on our oxygen masks first before we put them on for our kids. It is so important to fill ourselves first in order to give to our families. Our teenagers will soon fly out of the nest we have so beautifully built. What are we going to do then? Where are we going to focus our precious time and energy? We need not orbit our entire lives around the kids. Instead, lets find time to do things we enjoy, ways to evolve and have our own independent identities. For our own sake as well as for our kids’ sake.

Image Courtesy: Pexels

 

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